Applied Epistemology

While cleaning out some ancient saved emails, I found the following gem from 1997, from my friend Bryce (who, come to think of it, should be done with law school by now):

One day in the future, when Bill Gates rules America and casts a blind eye over the bizarre misdeeds of his wee computer geniuses, and we are old, grey, and hairless, Mark will buy us and keep us in a giant Habitrail, forcing us to crawl hundreds of scale-feet up muggy plastic tubes to eat kibble. Maybe one day in that future I will push you down that tube and watch you fall, fall to your death in the cedar pits far below so I can eat your share.

Uhhhh, where was I?

It's Soylent Green meets, um, well, actually I can't think of any films featuring hamsters. Does Beastmaster count?